Living in the Middle

Today is considered the luckiest day of 2026 in Western astrology. Jupiter and Venus are conjunct in Cancer. This conjunction in Cancer usually only happens every 12 years, and is generally considered particularly beneficial. I say ‚usually‘ because last year was a rare anomaly due to a retrograde phase, where Jupiter and Venus also met in Cancer.

But the last time before then was August 2014.

And August 2014 was, without doubt, the worst month of my life.

Two months prior, we had been told that our third child would not live, as he had no kidneys. The language school my husband taught at lost more and more customers, and we went from surviving to below that. Additionally, my husband was suddenly severely anaemic, and I also had a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old at home who needed me.

I went through hell that summer. There was nothing beneficial about it at all.

Now, it is also said that Jupiter expands what is, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. And a third perspective looks at you having to take your astrology chart into account before you can make any bold statements such as the above.

I agree with all of those perspectives, depending on how you look at my life. Landing on the point of "it depends".

August 2014 was certainly my dark night of the soul. And yes, you could argue that good has come out of it over time. Very, very slowly.

My son has certainly expanded my life and my perspectives. Maybe it has to do with my Venus at 29° in my 8th house. Who knows. Maybe it was lucky. In many ways, it was. But it certainly didn't feel lucky. Not even for a second.

From Atheism to Mystery

I come from an atheist upbringing rooted in the belief that there is no God, but that the belief system or religion in any given culture shapes its values and thus matters. Because whatever that belief system teaches about what is right or wrong influences the people who grow up in that society, whether they are religious or not.

My upbringing was shaped by questioning religion and spirituality, science, psychology and analysis, while believing in God was considered somewhat naïve, given all the scientific evidence against such a perspective. It's what I was taught and struggled to question.

With my son's pregnancy and eventual stillbirth, I naturally started to ponder „why" questions more, venturing into making sense of life and death. Ultimately ending with the question for which science has few answers that don't feel cold, and where religion or spirituality offer answers that feel less clinical or saddening.

I have battled with how I see and explain the world ever since.

Fate or coincidence have offered me many odd occasions that have led me to start considering that my atheist perspective might be too small-minded. I have tried to arrive at a conclusion, but 12 years on, the only thing I am still certain about is that I don't know.

But I have also arrived at not needing to know. That there are mysteries that are bigger than my mind and that don't require an answer from me. That it is enough to notice and appreciate instead of questioning and understanding it all. That there are things I can't explain. And maybe don't need to explain or even understand.

Of course, my mind still tries that, but I have found peace in not knowing and simply appreciating when and where I can: the beauty, any support, the not knowing, the pain. All of it is part of this thing that we call life.

I feel connected to something, and that feels beautiful. Whether that is something outside of me or simply my unconscious mind, I don't know. And does it truly matter what it is?

It did to me for a long time.

Now, I simply appreciate the connection.

The Need to Explain Myself

What is not gone, though, is the belief that I need to be able to explain everything I say and what I stand for.

And I have tried. For years. But I can't explain many things. I don't know if they are true or not. All I feel is an incredible openness to many perspectives.

What I have always had is a deep inner sense of purpose. That was always there. For as long as I can remember.

As a child, I always had dreams of helping and rescuing. World peace was always my greatest wish. I got told off for that by a doctor when I was seven or eight years old. He had asked what my greatest wish for myself was. Apparently, it was a wish for the collective, not one that benefited me personally.

I still struggle with his logic. I can see where he was coming from, but isn't peace the ultimate foundation for more ease for every individual?

Anyway, over the years, that sense of purpose and my search for meaning eventually led me to train as a Soul Purpose Coach under the guidance of Sahara Rose, Neeta Bhushan and Ajit Nawalkha at the Dharma Coaching Institute in 2022/23. Following on from that, I trained as a Human Design reader too, studying under Erin Claire Jones.

Bringing Different Worlds Together

I deeply love all the knowledge and wisdom these trainings have added to my life, to my atheist perspective and to my analytical mind, which has also always been interested in the big questions of life.

Alongside these interests, I have worked in fields as varied as traffic simulation, data analysis and inside sales, across a university, a transport authority and an IT company. I have also always been fascinated by science, data, economics and words. All these experiences and interests have constantly broadened my perspective and strengthened my understanding that I only grasp a fraction of what there is to understand.

And that I love that.

What Astrology Has Taught Me

To cycle back to today being one of the luckiest days in 2026 according to Western astrology, I am open to it being that day. I am hoping it might be a lucky day. I am happy about every lucky day.

I am not an expert in astrology, but I have been following it for three years now, and I have learned that it is useful for me. That it helps me make sense of various aspects of my life and validates large parts of my life experience, past and present.

It helps me to make sense of things.

But it has taught me more than that. It has taught me to trust what is. That things happen when they happen. That both the good and the bad have their merit. The bad usually in an unpleasant, twisted way.

Rarely would I say, "I am glad that happened."

It's more like, "Okay, I can see that the bad thing initiated something good", which doesn't make it good. At best, the outcome is good.

Maybe I could consider something necessary so that something else could emerge from that. But I even struggle with that. Because had it not happened, something else would have happened. And maybe I would have suffered less, which I would have preferred.

But I haven't. It is what it is, and I am trying to see the good in the outcomes.

The Manure Behind the Stables

When I think along these lines of labelling things as good or bad, a rather weird memory pops back into my mind.

I am often reminded of the manure behind the stables of the small farm I grew up on. It stank and looked horrible, yet it was a great fertiliser...

That stark contrast always struck me as odd. :-)

Living in the Middle

So today, on the luckiest day of 2026, I don't feel particularly lucky, nor in the mood to manifest.

If anything, it reminds me of the fact that I still can't explain myself, that I am still uncertain about most things, and that this has been in the way of me claiming publicly, and out loud, that I am a Soul Purpose Coach and Human Design reader.

The problem is that I am not half as certain as most of my colleagues about my tools of trade being true. And I struggle with that lack of certainty.

What I do know is that they are useful. That they are helpful.

How?

In my opinion, they help us assume a different perspective through which to look at and analyse ourselves and others. They are tools that help us see ourselves differently. That help us see our differences and ultimately value them.

They are tools that help us validate our life experience and recognise strengths we weren't fully aware of yet.

I don't use Human Design or the frameworks of my Soul Purpose Coach training to tell someone what is true about them ,or who they are, or who they are meant to be, or what they should do.

I use them as a lens to look through and to reflect on the picture that emerges, taking life experience and circumstances into account. I use them to discuss how else something could be considered as „truth“ – maybe invalidating a former truth. In a more enabling way. I use them as suggestions of what could be tried and experimented with.

To me, they are tools to understand a presenting problem, and to consider whether it could be solved this way.

I am learning to accept that I neither belong to one side nor the other. I am learning to find peace in uncertainty and beauty in possibilities, perspectives and usefulness.

I am learning that my openness and uncertainty, paired with my knowledge and interests, could maybe be a strength too, and facilitate a bridge between an old and a different perspective.

And I am almost certain that everything we consider a weakness is a strength in a different way too.

To stay with the example I have shared here, my openness and uncertainty allow me to see paths and possibilities others don't see as easily as I do.

Not all of them are feasible or valid, of course, but they allow for movement where there was stuckness before.

Why I am writing here

This is what I will be writing about here.

My perspective on us, how we can value ourselves more, how we can see and appreciate the differences between us, how we can work better together, and how we can turn perceived weaknesses into strengths.

Or perhaps how they are strengths rather than weaknesses.

I will often explore this through the lens of Human Design, and I will also share how understanding my Design has helped me discover my strengths and make sense of my experiences, enabling me to rewrite the story I told myself about myself and step into a life where I feel more like me, and less like hiding or performing.

Looking back, everything in my life built upon what came before. Nothing was stupid or a waste of time. Everything taught me something, turned me into the person I am today, gave me the skill set I possess today and made possible where I am today.

A place where I finally feel I belong because I have connected to myself and I trust myself more.

And I hope that is something I can bring to you too.

Seeing yourself.

Connecting to yourself.

And ultimately enabling you to trust yourself, your way and your strengths, so you can walk your path, in a way that feels fulfilling to you. Where you can share your gifts and what comes easy to you.

If you wish to subscribe to my newsletter over on Substack, you can do so here.